


Forgive me (not)

by Nuttyasasquirrel



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: A week late but whatever, Angst, But I'm going down with it, Catra & Forgiveness, Down the toilet, Except for my heart, F/F, First Person, Friendship, Happy Birthday Catra!, Hurt No Comfort, Just be glad it isn't more rocks :D, No physical injuries this time!, OOC Adora, POV Adora (She-Ra), Scouts honor!, Season 4 will sink this ship, She wouldn't do this?, Won't hurt them again after this one, just kidding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-22 10:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21300806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nuttyasasquirrel/pseuds/Nuttyasasquirrel
Summary: Catra is sorry and wishes she could take everything back. But sometimes the pain is just too great and what's broken cannot be fixed. The casualties? Adora's heart and their friendship.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	Forgive me (not)

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, this is my first time doing 1st person in awhile. It started out 3rd person but just kept growing and growing until I made the switch. Besides, I think 1st person handles internal angst better and is at least little easier to write imho. Let me know how I did in the comments. Enjoy!

“Do you forgive me?”

The request was simple. A quick “yes” would be all it took to fulfill. Easy enough. Besides, I was tired. Of many things, really.

Foremost was the pain. Not physical, mind. Being raised by the Horde had taught me to cope with cuts, bruises, and even broken bones. No, the source of my discomfort ran deeper.

_Like poison…_

Next came the sleepless nights, followed closely by the tear and snot-stained sheets. They were beginning to smell again. _Perhaps I should have them changed… _

So yeah, I’d just about had enough of EVERYTHING to do with Catra.

“I forgive you.”

It was such an easy thing to say. I couldn’t even remember making the decision.

I returned to my butchery of the Etherian language, an invitation from the _great She-Ra_ to some dignitary whose name she couldn’t even remember. Not that I cared. Writing letters had long since become a joyless activity.

_Yet another item on the list._

“Soooo…. We good now?”

_Good? Things haven’t been “good” between us for a long time. _ I bit my lip and ignored Catra.

“Heyyy… Adoraaa…” The phrase sent a shiver down my spine. Once, it had been a sign of our shared bond. Catra’s own special way of gaining my attention. Ultimately? Repurposed as a weapon. Just like everything else about our friendship.

A line crossed out. More ink wasted.

“HEY! Stop ignoring me!” Catra’s shout ignited something, fuel poured over flame.

“WHAT?! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY?!”

Had I meant to yell? I couldn’t say. The effect was all the same.

Catra shrank back. “I- I thought you said we were good.” 

_Again, that word_. _Was there ever been anything “good” between us?_ I was beginning to have my doubts.

After the alliance with the Magicats, we had been content to keep our distance. Fine by me. But now, Catra wanted to make up and repair what SHE had broken. As if nothing had happened.

Enough was enough.

“Look, Catra. I’m sorry for yelling. But I have work to do right now.” Short and to the point. I could almost feel Shadow Weaver caress my cheek with pride. 

“Can we do this some other time, please?”

An easy enough let down. Hopefully, Catra would take it.

“FUCK YOU ADORA! I’M TRYING TO APOLOGIZE HERE!”

_No such luck, damn_.

But I wasn’t about to back down. Not this time. For too long, I allowed Catra to walk all over me; abusing our relationship and USING IT like some sort of TOOL! How could I trust she wouldn’t do so again? _Perhaps, she was still was…_

_No more. _

I stood and composed myself.

Before I could so much as utter a word, Catra hissed. “Seriously?! After everything that’s happened, you are just going to push me away?! What kind of-”

_What kind of monster am I?_ Good question. My resolve wavered. 

Catra had made every effort to make up for her transgressions. She had defeated Shadow Weaver, helped rescue Angela, and led her people in the final battle.

Etheria was safe; the Horde gone.

_I would be dead if it weren’t for Catra._

So why wasn’t it enough? Why couldn’t I forgive her?

The scars on my back began to ache. 

…

“Yes, I am.”

I may as well have punched her. Who was I kidding? Of course, I had. Our poison was a shared one.

_We deserve better than each other._

Here she was, apologizing, and my response was to throw it back into her face like a child. A CHILD for First One’s sake!

But I couldn’t take it anymore. I was tired of being the mature one.

“Look, Catra. I want to trust you.” My words were full of half-feigned sympathy. “I really do. But I can’t trust that you won’t hurt me again.”

Tears formed in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

Catra looked like she was dying. Her breath came in gasps

“But why- I don’t understand. How can you-” 

“I’m doing this for myself.” The words stung like disinfectant; but they felt good. Finally, no more sleepless nights and stained sheets. No more writing letters to _someone_ who would never read them.

_NO MORE PAIN! _

_…_

_Time to end this._

_…_

“We are done, Catra...” 

…

It took me a minute to process the words. I could scarcely believe myself. No small part of me SCREAMED to take it all back; to embrace her and just FORGET EVERYTHING. I ignored it.

_No, this needed to end._ _For both our sakes. _

“Oh… Okay…” Broken. Resigned. Word’s I never thought I would use to describe my former best friend.

Catra turned to leave. My heart stopped beating.

…

The door closed softly behind her. It was over. 

… 

I returned to my seat. The stomach-churning elation was gone. Only emptiness remained.

A quick glance up at the clock revealed that were only a few hours left till dinner.

_Damn. _This was going to make for awkward conversation at the table.

**Author's Note:**

> See you all on the other side of season 4!


End file.
